At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
