it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
