bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
