Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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