when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
