Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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