Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize