She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
