Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
