I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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