Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
And then he peed in my hair
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize