She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
