I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
