Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
