Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Terrible idea I love it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
