We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
