He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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