we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
