weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
