Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
