I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
