You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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