I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
