she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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