I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
