If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
