For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
