True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
