i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize