Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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