I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Randomize
