Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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