Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
