come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Reggie can tackle my bush.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
