it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
