i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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