this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
