so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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