he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
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