things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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