my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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