Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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