he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
