the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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