nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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