The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We don't watch enough power rangers
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
