how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's shark week go big or go home
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize