You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
