I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
