my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I FOUND THE LEGS
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
