Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
