It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
