Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
