My balls are so social today.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
