Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
