So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
