people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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