you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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