Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
