Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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