So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
