morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
