we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
