My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
