She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
