you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
