She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
