I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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