drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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