Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
