wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
