I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
