Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
