my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
