Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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