just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
im calling her cock vulture from now on
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
