You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
only you would photoshop your dick
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
