STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
