I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
