last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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