She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
