So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
