mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize