Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
