smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize