i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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