Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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