..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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