It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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