i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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