I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
