do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
