so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
