So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
