walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
