I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize