where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
