I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i think my tv is drunk
everyone is single if you try hard enough
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize