That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
