Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
